Clear Confident Leader Weekly Observer, Issue #12
From the Greenbelt of Boise, Idaho, First fall frosts
The worst resentment that anybody can have, is one you feel justified to keep.
– Louis Gossett Jr.
Bitterness and resentment only hurt one person, and it's not the person we're resenting – it's us.
– Alana Stewart
Ever experience a situation where you felt wronged, insulted or injured? As one of my teachers likes to say with a grin, “maybe once in your life?” It is easy to take something said or done, or not said or not done when we expect it to be, as a surprise and interpret it as an intended insult or wrong. A narrative then starts to form in our mind.
When we create and continually reinforce a story in our minds about them vs. us, it can fester into a persistent ill will, an ongoing resentment at something or someone. It can foster a fear of loss, and a smoldering anger to strike out.
It doesn’t mean that our initial felt sense of being wronged, insulted or injured is incorrect. There are real wrongs, insults and injuries that occur in life. The opportunity lies within how we respond when they occur.
The problem is, when our mind is focused on resentment, we can lose sight of everything else. By allowing resentment to build and persist within us, we can be captured by it. Over time dealing with the pain of ongoing resentment can seem easier than overcoming the fear of letting it go to step into new creative conversations. We become locked in, holding ourselves back. Much like the tree in the image we pull on the resentment wire, digging the barb deeper and deeper into us.
A first step is to simply observe when resentment starts to arise within us, and notice how it helps us or holds us back. When we begin to see how it holds us back, we can explore how to let it go. As we let resentment go, we open ourselves to discovering new ways to create a better future.
I work with Leaders and teams using Conversational Intelligence® to see and let go of resentment and develop our capacity to have creative conversations.
Let’s create a better future today!